Mental Illnesses

I’ve seen on many sites where younger kids and some older teenagers think that mental illnesses make you edgy and interesting. Well, I’m going to tell you something about myself. I have been diagnosed with paranoia and depression, and you know what? I struggle to make it through the day, every single day. I know that it may seem like I’m whining and looking for attention, but I’m not. Usually I keep to myself about this, but all of this immature bullshit is getting to me.

So, have you ever had something happened to you days before but you forgot about it? Well, if it happened to me, it eats away at me and it scares me more and more every second. I couldn’t think of anything else BUT what happened. Like the Eiffel 65 song that apparently says, “Eat the body, Hide the body” when played backwards. Do you know what’s going through my head? Oh my god, what if I eat someone? I don’t want to go to jail, think of something else, think of something else. WHY CAN’T I THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE?! god, why am I thinking of cannibals? I have to stay away from people.

As for depression, sometimes just a little thing can get me down and then I cry and cry and think I’m not good enough. I’ll stay that way for days but the thought of what made me severely depressed never leaves.. Other times, I want to kill myself so the thoughts of black abyss that I lay in will disappear. I can’t explain to you what it’s like.. you’d honestly have to experience it.

Yeah, it’s pretty fucked up and I never understand why people WANT these illnesses.